Terrible TV Tuesday: Discovery Had the Balls to Make a Show Called ‘Naked and Afraid’

Looks like the Discovery Channel done stole a page right from the super-secret Egotastic playbook. Now that it's out in public, we'll share that particular page with you: Nudity = attention. (It's written in nekkid bodies laid out to spell the letters. We'd show you, but they stole it. You get the idea.)

So the fine folks over at Discovery decided to ramp up the boring old, 'I'm sort of pretending to survive surrounded by a camera crew' show model by applying that nudity plan. What we got was Naked and Afraid: two survival-jacked strangers get dumped into the wilderness somewhere...WITH NO CLOTHES.

We watched the current four debut season episodes and all we really took away from it is, asscrack. Lots and lots of asscrack. We all know that old adage about good nekkid vs. bad nekkid. And while the concept wasn't exclusively intended to titillate, it totally doesn't. This is bad nekkid.

Aside from the surferchick from the first episode, we not-so-quickly realized that the grand women of survival look more like someone cut from the pages of National Geographic than Penthouse. And that's cool. For someone else. Lots of you hippie bro's are into that. And that's fine. We're not.

Besides nudity, there's only the typical gritty reality show takeaway, 'Aw shucks, we learned something!' Spoiler alert: No one gets bitten by a snake. No one gets eaten by fire ants. No one gets dead. In fact, the characters are hardly worth rooting for. How can you support some jackass who says,'I kind of, like, feel like, Adam and Eve.' You can't.

Some things you'll get to avoid by avoiding watching Naked and Afraid: Mud-smeared stretch marks, crotch fishing, sackburn (that's a word we're using to describe a painful sunburn that a dude gets on his ballsack), and wasting several hours of precious precious fap time.

Did we miss anything? No. That's it.