Alana Soares Puts On A Smokeshow In This Incredible Nude Shoot

I have done my best to stay away from any river activities, and I am now realizing that is due to two things. The first being that my father thought it would be a good idea to show his five year old son Deliverance, the second being that I do not have the built in life vest that Alan Soares has.

If I had a pair like hers then I would be damn near fearless. There would be no risk of drowning so I could raft down the hardest rapids the world has to offer. I would even be willing to face down the barrel of a gun with the confidence that there is not a caliber known to man that could penetrate my mammary glands.

This must be why the morbidly obese are always walking around like they own the place. They know that they are invincible and that there is not a thing that any of us can do about it. Granted, some of them cannot walk so well. But that is why we have provided our overlords with scooters at major supermarkets, so that they can patrol their kingdom more comfortably.

I hope to one day achieve that level of power.

Photo Credit: Playboy Plus