Behold The Naked Bacon Cooking Armor

You get up in the morning and you want to cook up some bacon. The only problems is that you don't have any pants or underwear on. Now, you could put something on over your privates to protect it from piping hot bacon grease. A third degree burn on your dong is not something you want to happen. But what if you want to be mostly naked and pantless? You just like the feel of the wind on your butt hair. Well, you are in luck. Behold the Naked Bacon Cooking Armor. It's basically like a cup covered in foam that keeps the bacon grease from burning your cockles. J&D Foods, the company that made the device, said that the armor,

"Constructed from a hard plastic shell covered with foam then enclosed in vinyl. It truly is the gold standard of genital grease burn protection."

Some people might well say that this seems like an awful lot of work for an action that is completely preventable by simply putting on pants. But as J&D said,

"Cooking and eating bacon naked has been said to be the equivalent of winning the lottery, scoring a touchdown in the Super Bowl and neck-punching Justin Bieber all at once."

Well, I can't argue with that.