Ellen Alexander Goes Topless In Editorial Photoshoot For GQ Russia

Remember good old Yakov Smirnoff? In Soviet Union, top loses you! Classic. He's actually still around. Last I heard he had a theater in Branson, MO, just a short ride on the number ten bus from Bronson. Anyway, seeing Ellen Alexander topless on the beach for GQ Russia has me all nostalgic for a time in my life when I could laugh about the misfortune of others.

I don't think Ellen is Russian, though maybe she is. You have to admire the Russians for allowing bare breasts in their magazines. We don't allow that kind of thing in the States, so it's heartening to see that even a humorless dictatorship has an infinitely less puritanical view of sex than we do. 

I think that with all this news about Russia interfering in the election, Russia really oughta start interfering in our magazines. We could use more gorgeous topless women like Ellen Alexander in our magazines. Hell, if the Russians are gonna beat us at something, it should be something substantially less embarrassing than this. We need to get our finest men on this and get to the bottom of this newest—and sexiest—Russian scandal of them all!

Photo Credit: Splash News