Genevieve Morton – 2018 Calendar Nude Photoshoot by Tyler Kandel

 With a name like Genevieve, the girl has to be sexy. I think there is a union for sexy names like Genevieve and Aphrodite. Every time a woman with a name like one of those turns eighteen a certified inspector is sent to assess her ranking on the ten point scale. Anyone who gets ranked less than a nine is required to legally change their name to something more appropriate. This is where we get names like Velma and Gertrude. 

It is fortunate for myself that men are not held to this same standard, otherwise I would not be able to retain my ladyboner inducing name. That is a double edged sword though because it forces me to watch the look of disappointment on every woman's face who sees my name before they see me. I might not have survived into adulthood if I was not already so accustomed to disappointing my parents. Those experiences served to callous my feelings into a near superhero level of invulnerability. Someday perhaps I will have the money to travel to Mexico to get in on that budget plastic surgery. I can come back looking like a Chinese knock-off of George Clooney.  

Photo Credit: Tyler Kandel