Miranda Kerr Topless Pictures Make Me Want To Buy Stuff

Outside of my fantasy/theory that all women are closet lesbians just dying to scissor kiss their chick roommates, I don't understand why women are drawn to buy things from magazines with hot, half-naked models looking like they're in scenes from bad indie films. I don't understand, and, I don't care. Because, speaking as a non-woman person, Miranda Kerr topless could sell me sand in the desert. I see those model breasts in this i-D Magazine spread and suddenly I can remember my exact credit card number plus three digit security code. I just want to buy stuff.